Archive for August, 2007
Two new Britney Spears songs have popped up online and they’re every bit as bad as you’d expect. According to The Sun, she opens her new song Cold As Fire with the lyrics:
“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him come in my mouth/ Make him my new baby”
Other sources are saying the lyrics are:
“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him call me mama/ Make him my new baby”
You can listen for yourself here, but either way it’s bad. Like really really bad. Like so bad I thought it was a fake. I think they squeezed Britney until they got her voice as high up as it is, and then pulled some random people off the subway and made them backup singers. And Britney’s next single Gimme More (listen here) opens with the lyrics:
“It’s Britney, bitch”
Ooh, sassy. I don’t know about you, but this Britney character sounds like she’s got a lot of attitude. Man, I bet she also smokes and wears sunglasses indoors. She’s so cool.
NOTE: Just to be complete, here’s her third leaked song. Although it’s the same one I posted a couple weeks ago and still just as bad.
Here’s Ashton Kutcher wearing Capri pants and a shirt with a shiny hummingbird on it. Because, you know, Capri pants. And a shiny hummingbird. All further evidence to support my theory that Ashton Kutcher is the toughest man on the planet. I’m just waiting for the paparazzi shots of him buying tampons with Demi Moore. You know Demi doesn’t need them because of a little thing called menopause. And if you don’t know what menopause is, just ask somebody old like Demi. Your grandmother, for example. Don’t worry, eventually she’ll stop sobbing long enough to explain it to you.
Larry Rudolph, the former manager of Britney Spears, was subpoenaed Thursday and must now testify in the custody battle between Britney and Kevin Federline. Larry had told Ryan Seacrest earlier this week that he was trying to avoid being served for fear of harming Britney’s case. People reports:
Rudolph “was served about 30 minutes ago,” said Erin Tietsort, the assistant manager at the Sunset Tan in West Los Angeles, on Thursday afternoon. “He’s employed here. He’s part-owner.”
Tietsort described the process server as a 5′8″ brunette in black slacks and a buttoned-up shirt.
“We asked her who she was but she just said she had a meeting with [Rudolph]. After he walked in he said, ‘Can I help you?’ and she just handed the papers and left. He had no idea. He then said [to himself], ‘Oh, okay. Yeah. They’ve been looking for me. This is for Britney Spears-Kevin Federline.’ I was like, ‘Really?’ And he just stared out the window. You could tell he wasn’t too happy about it,” said Tietsort.
There is only one plausible explanation for these turn of events: Larry Rudolph is absolutely, 100% retarded. Who publicly says they have damaging information about a high-profile celebrity custody battle, then hides out in a establishment they are part owner of? Larry Rudolph. That’s who. In case you’re not fully convinced of the guy’s stupidity, here’s something to chew on: Larry Rudolph thought it was a good idea for Britney Spears to hang out with Paris Hilton. If his goal was to blind the world, mission accomplished.
Remember when Gwen Stefani looked like this? I guess she decided to stop looking like a homeless person and start looking, well, hot. And didn’t she just have a kid? Look at her stomach. She deserves a medal for looking this good. I don’t want to point any fingers, but sometimes when people have kids they get fat and ugly and forget to wear pants. And are named Britney. Spears. Britney Spears. I’m talking about Britney Spears. Not sure if you got it because I was being so subtle.
- February 2008 (51)
- January 2008 (351)
- December 2007 (354)
- November 2007 (314)
- October 2007 (651)
- September 2007 (975)
- August 2007 (118)
